Forgiveness

Ask anyone you meet if they have ever been hurt by another.  You will hear a resounding YES! Now ask how they handled the hurt and you will hear many different stories about resentment, revenge, internalizing, depression, anger, and sadness but few stories about forgiveness.  Why?  Why would anyone hold onto pain if they don’t have to?  What is it in our nature to harbor ill feelings or hold onto past pain?  Studies show that holding onto emotional pain transpires into physical illness.  Dis-ease has been linked to our mental wellbeing.  If we have the power to heal ourselves, where do we start? What is Forgiveness?

• Forgiveness is not balance on the scales of justice

I read this somewhere once and it really hit home for me. For those of us who have been wounded deeply by others either emotionally or physically, accepting that the wound and the act of forgiveness are two separate things can bring a sense of freedom. It is more about grace and mercy than about justice.

• Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing wrong doing or harmful behavior

In other words, by extending forgiveness, we are not saying that what happened was ok or that the person is free to act that way toward us again. We can recognize that the wrong-doer is human and made a mistake, yet still hold a belief that the person should have acted differently.

• Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness

Sometimes we can hold onto our resentments as a way of attempting to demonstrate strength, boundaries, self-respect, etc. However, forgiveness in its purest form is actually an act of great courage and requires significant strength, compassion, and love for self as well as for the offender.

• Forgiveness is not a discounting of the depth of our suffering

While it is important to honor the depth of our pain, it is also necessary to find freedom from suffering and open our hearts to peace. Forgiveness can be the path to a release for our soul.

Now that we know what forgiveness is not, let’s look at what true forgiveness looks like.

• Forgiveness is a practice of extending grace when others may not be deserving of it

Forgiveness is a practice. It takes time, dedication, and courage. It may not be something that comes naturally to us when we have been wounded – the urge to protect ourselves in every way is a powerful emotion.  Forgiveness is a choice that takes conscious effort and practice, even when it is scary or difficult.

• Forgiveness is a process of freeing ourselves from negative feelings

The path to forgiveness allows us the opportunity to release shame, anger, resentment and desire for vengeance in service of making space for peace and love in our hearts.

• Forgiveness is a gift to yourself

When we hold on to hurts and stay in a place of anger and fear, we limit our ability to deeply connect with others. We are inherently social creatures and relationships are necessary for us to survive and thrive in our lives. When true forgiveness takes place, our inner beings are more peaceful and we have a greater capacity to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Some call it letting go; others call it forgiving.  Not only forgiving others, but forgiving ourselves is a key to our own freedom. 

 This was difficult for me in the past.  I had been abused, betrayed and hurt so many times and forgiving seemed impossible.  When I learned that holding pain inside is a breeding ground for negative feelings, it holds us back from living in our full potential I chose to forgive.  You see, forgiveness isn’t a feeling, it is a choice.  Unforgiveness though creates negative feelings which in turn come out through anger, resentment, lack of self-worth and sometimes even the desire to seek vengeance.  Negative feelings also keep us from enjoying the present; turning into depression and anxiety ultimately sabotaging those relationships we hold so dear.

Practicing forgiveness is a commitment to change.  Moving away from a victim role and taking a more proactive and positive stance on your wellbeing will move you toward a more peaceful and enjoyable life. This is a key component to living a full and renewed life. Are you ready to have a full and renewed life?

With any decision to make a change, journaling is an easy way to document and reflect on your feelings, which will help move you toward your goal of true freedom from the past. I encourage you to take some time to journal.  What and who do you need to forgive?  Get it all out, forgive and let go.  You will be absolutely amazed at how freeing it is.  I personally wrote letters to all of my offenders describing the pain and my choice to forgive them.  I then tore them up.  I sought a great counselor and mentor to help me move forward in this process. It is definitely a process, but a process well worth doing. Are you are having difficulty with forgiveness? You may need to seek a professional counselor or coach.  That is not a sign of weakness.  I encourage you today to take the first step to do whatever it takes to let go of the hurt in your past.  It is a great investment in your future. 

Will you start today?  Next Monday our Masterpiece Empowerment program will dive deep into  Forgiveness.  I would love for you to join us.  If you don't forgive, how will it affect your children, family, friends, co-workers and most importantly, YOU? Take your next step today.

To register go to: https://www.tinarains.com/

I would be blessed to walk through this season of forgiveness with you.  Feel free to schedule a free strategy call here on my website: https://www.tinarains.com/

Have a blessed day,

Tina Rains

Empowerment Coach